#but the thing is is that i cant be a girlfriend again
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sexy sorrys!! 18+
summary - youve liked dean for years, though when he finally tries to kiss you, you get cold feet (twice..) in an attempt to apologize, things get steamy in the shower !!! -`♡´-
warnings - smut (blowjob), virgin reader, masturbation, hot headed reader, explicit language
pairing - dean x female reader
6.3k words
a/n at the end ◡̈
once you guys arrived to the hotel, it was way past dark and it was thundering outside. you hated when the weather was like this, they both knew that. sam looked back at you as you guys pulled up to the front door, 'hey, look, you go inside and check us in, we can grab your things.' dean looked at sam in confusion, 'i never agreed to that?' he looked back at you and you shot him a dirty look. 'im just kidding, sweetheart, go inside. we gotchya.' you rolled your eyes and grabbed a sweater from the trunk to cover over your head. 'thanks guys,' you smiled at them and then sprinted out of the car to the front door, almost slipping. you felt like you could practically hear deans laughter at your clumsiness. as you got inside, you took the sweater off your head and went to the front desk.
'dont have an umbrella?' the desk attendant looked at you, judgement seeping through her seemingly kind demeanor.
'uhm.. yeah, no i dont.. uh, im here to check in for winchester? 2 rooms?' you draped the sweater around your shoulders and shivered.
'yes, do you have your ID?' she looked up at you.
'oh! uh, my friend signed it under his name, theyre outside grabbing the bags, theyll just be in in a second, can i just get the key?' you looked at her awkwardly. she glared at you.
'right.. so we cant give out the keys unless we see the ID of the person who checked out the room.. sorry.' she gave you a faux sympathetic smile.
'uh, theyre just outside, i promise, can i just get the key? im freezing, i just want to take a warm shower.' the agitation in your voice started to become noticable.
'miss, i already told you..' the doors swung open as the attendant started to lose her temper with you. her gaze averted from the supposed crazy woman standing infront of her, now turned to the handsome man holding four bags, two on each arm.
'excuse me..' dean said sweetly as he sat the bags down on the floor, 'im here to check in for the rooms under winchester?'
the attendant looked at him and smiled, her eyes full of that same look that every other girl gave him. the same look that gave you a pit in your stomach.
'oh, ofcourse!' she said sweetly, 'let me grab the keys.' you looked at her in confusion.
'hey!' you said, your voice raising. 'you didnt ask him for his ID?' dean looked at you awkwardly as he put his hand around your waist and smiled at the attendant.
'excuse my...' he cleared his throat, 'girlfriend.' you looked up at him swiftly, your eyebrows furrowing. 'she was just given the news that her.. aunt passed away.. oh they were very close..' he nodded his head and closed his eyes as he squeezed onto your shoulder, 'shes not in the right headspace right now.. im sorry if she gave you the wrong impression.'
you couldnt believe him, him and his dumb savior complex. your stomach boiled with rage and your face started to burn. 'fuck you!' you tore away from his grip, 'hey!' you slammed your hands on the desk. 'my aunt is NOT dead, and excuse my braindead friend, we are not dating.'
the attendant looked at you like she was going to slap you. 'excuse me!'
dean rested his arms on your shoulders once more and squeezed again, 'shes just in denial! im so sorry.. hey.. im sorry honey its okay..' he took you in his arms and hugged you towards his chest as he whispered in your ear, 'hey its okay.. just calm down.. lets not get kicked out of this hotel, alright?' he patted your shoulders and let you go as you exhaled aggresively.
'im....' you took a deep breath in, 'sorry, miss.' you frowned slightly and grabbed onto deans hand. 'thanks..' you said as you looked up at him and glared, gritting your teeth as you smiled at him. he looked back down at you and winked.
**
once sam finally came inside, the three of you sat down in the lobby for a moment to.. calm yourselves.
'hey, are you guys okay?' sam looked at you, a concerned tone in his voice, to which he then faced towards dean to see him sprawled out on the sofa.
'yeah, were good,' he said calmly. 'just had to calm my girlfriend down in front of..' he tilted his head towards the desk to point sams attention to the direction of the attendant. sam nodded and gave dean a blank expression. you grumbled at dean as he said this, the jacket still wrapped around your arms. 'right..' he said awkwardly.
'uhm.. anyway,' sam cleared his throat, 'im gonna go up to my room..' he stood up and you looked up at him in confusion.
'your room?' you looked over to dean to see him with a half smile. 'i thought i had my own room?'
sam looked over to dean and furrowed his eyebrows. 'dean said he was gonna share a room with you.. sorry.' he gave you a sympathetic look before walking away. he turned around and said 'dont kill each other, please, for the love of god. i dont need one of your spirits haunting me for the rest of my life.' as he turned back around you flipped him off and you heard dean snicker to himself.
**
the door slammed behind the both of you and you turned behind to look at him.
'what the fuck is wrong with you?' you wanted to punch him, or slap him across the face. he walked infront of you without looking you in the eyes as he sat the bags down on the beds. 'oh, and by the way, why the fuck am i stuck in a room with you? why couldnt i have gotten my own room, you and sam should be bunking together.' as you spoke at him, you heard him laugh underneath his breath which only fueled the fire inside of you. you snatched your bag barely from his grasp and he looked at you with a surprised look. you didnt bother to look him in the eye, so you took your bag to the bathroom and changed into shorts and a tank.
as he heard the creak of the bathroom door open, he looked back at you and shrugged his shoulders.
'okay okay, im sorry, okay, but look you were seriously going to get us kicked out. she was this close, i could see her reaching for the phone.' you looked at him furiously, you were basically panting. 'and the room, sam wanted his own because he knows that you and i are both messy. he wanted his own space, thats all. no further intentions. cross my heart.' he raised his arms and did the symbol acrossed his chest. you sighed at his gesture, you didnt want to be mad. you just didnt want to be saved. you wanted to fight your own battles once and awhile.
'im sorry..' you sat across from him on the other bed. 'i..' you spoke softly, 'look, ive just been-' cutting you off, thunder struck loudly.. on what seemed like the building you were staying in. 'jesus!' you exhaled and your heartbeat quickened.
'hey..' dean looked at you with concern, 'are you okay?' he pat the open space next to him, urging you to come sit next to him.
though his offer was sweet and it made your heart flutter, you felt too proud to let him save you again, so you said nothing as you held the jacket around your arms. 'im fine. im not a child.' you looked at him angrily, though you saw the sincerity in his face. lightning struck once more, which caused you to jump again.
'okay..' he said as he stood up, 'ill sit next to you then.' as he sat down, the bed creaked and you looked up at him. he sat closely. you dont think he meant to, but you two were very close to each other now.
dean felt like he could hear your heart beating, and oh was it going fast. he wasnt sure if it was because of the rain, or him. he wrapped one arm around you and you leaned into him, and he sighed. no words were spoken, he just let you rest in his embrace. moments went by as the thunder continued to rumble, which caused you to jump each time. he wanted to distract you, to do anything to calm you down. he didnt know what to do, so he just sat in silence.
as you looked up at him, he gulped. you looked so pretty, and he wanted to distract you. he figured that he was just trying to help, and so he leaned in to kiss you.
you stood up quickly as he tried to initiate this with you. 'uhm..' you said quietly. 'sorry..' you stood awkwardly.
he looked up at you, and shook his head quickly before he spoke. 'no.. no, its okay, im sorry, i shouldnt have done that.. you just looked really stressed out and so i wanted to help you relax..' he paused as he looked around the room to avoid eye contact.
your eyebrows furrowed as he spoke. help you relax? you thought to yourself..
'uhm..' he spoke quickly, 'yeah, uhm. i think we should go to bed, we have to.. get going in the morning.' he stood up from your bed then flopped down onto his own. 'right, i uh.. i hope you get good sleep.' he said as he turned around to face away from you.
fuck. it was awkward, and you were confused. you layed in bed on your back as you tried to wrap your brain around what had happened. dean had tried to kiss you and.. you rejected him? you rolled around in bed, restless. why did you reject him? what did he mean when he said he 'wanted to help you relax?' was it the fact that you knew you were way less experienced than him? did he just do that because he felt bad for you? you knew that hed been with many women before you, but why did he try to kiss you now? you didnt know, and you didnt really want to think about it either. any thought regarding the manner made you feel sick.
**
knocking on the door woke you up from your sleep. you didnt even remember drifting off, but you knew it mustve been not long ago since you felt extremely drowsy.
'goodmorning you two,' sam said as you creaked the door open slowly. 'how did you both sleep?' he peaked into the room and was (not surprised) to see dean still laying in bed, out cold.
'uhm..' you yawned and rubbed your eyes, 'not the best to be honest.' you followed him as he paced around your guys messy room.
'see, this is what i mean. i would have punched dean if he made our room this messy.' you laughed awkwardly, 'yeah, haha, this is actually mostly me,' you admitted. he turned back at you and shook his head.
'aha, i wouldnt have punched you, but i wouldve given you a lecture for sure,' he teased. you enjoyed sams lightheartedness. he made you feel more at ease.
'hey, dean' he patted his head which jerked him out of his slumber. 'time to wake up man, we got a ghost to hunt' deans eyes opened slightly, the light piercing into what felt like his skull.
'yeah yeah,' he said, clearly mocking him. 'give me a minute, can you atleast get out so i can change?' he looked behind sam to see you standing there, a long t shirt covering most of your body. you looked away before his eyes met yours, you felt like you were going to explode from the situation that occurred the previous night.
sam nodded and told him not to take too long, then he exited out of the room swiftly, shutting the door behind him. you sat down on your unmade bed and watched him as he sat up.
'dean?' you said quietly. he looked up at you, still partially in a dazy state.
'mhm?' he looked you in the eyes which caused you to look away from him again.
'im sorry..' you spoke softly, 'i dont know.. i didnt know..' you paused, but he shook his head at you and said, 'no, no dont apologize. you have nothing to be sorry for. im sorry for trying to push that onto you.. i wont ever do that again, i promise.'
your heart sank. you knew he meant well, but you realized you gave off the wrong impression. you didnt really know what to say, so you just nodded smally and then got up to hide your face so you didnt unintentionally cry infront of him. you didnt want him to feel sorry for you again. you wanted to tell him that you loved him, that you wanted to kiss him, but you didnt know how. you couldnt. you didnt want to ruin what the three of you had.
**
the rest of that day was very awkward. sam tried to lighten the mood by making the jokes that dean would usually make, though it didnt help much. you wanted to pull dean aside to talk with him privately, you just didnt know how to go about that. you didnt even know what you wanted to say, you just knew that this 'silent treatment' he was giving you was worse than anything you ever could have wanted. you knew he was just trying to make you feel comfortable, but it was making you feel like he was avoiding you.
as you arrived to the scene of the crime, there was a couple cops there already. dean, ofcourse, stood up straight and walked directly towards them.
'good evening heros of the city, im matthew hill from the department of.. neighborhood security, what do we have here?' he smiled bravely and without a moments notice, they smiled back.
as they explained the scene, you and sam snuck to the back of the house to find a door or window to break in. once you found an entrance point, you looked back behind you before entering. the cop, you could tell, was clearly interested in dean. by all means, it looked like he was interested in her too. and why wouldnt he be? she was beautiful. you felt your stomach churn at the sight.
'hey, you okay? lets go!' sam urged you quietly to snap out of your thoughts and waved you inside.
'sorry!' you hastly got inside as he shut the window behind the both of you.
'are you okay? you look..' he cleared his throat, 'are you alright?' he spoke with genuine concern in his voice, though it did nothing for your confidence.
'yeah, yeah im good..' there was a twinge of something in your voice, but sam couldnt tell what it was.
'yeah, i saw them too, dean and the cop.' he laughed lightly. 'it honestly gets so tiring, you know? like, we have a job we need to do, we cant just bone every attractive person we see.' he joked. but you didnt laugh, you just smiled weakly and nodded your head. you felt your stomach churn but you tried to pay no mind to it.
'yeah.. right. right, im going to go look upstairs and see if i can find anything.' he nodded at you and snooped around downstairs as you went up the staircase.
**
after a long and tiring day, you guys finally made it back to a hotel to rest. it was raining again that night, and you really just wanted to get inside and go to sleep. you wanted dean to wrap his arms around you and tell you that it was okay, you just wanted him to feel comfortable around you again. it made you sick that he was avoiding you like this. you didnt even bother trying to talk to the attendant this time, you were just worn out.
'excuse me, miss? can i help you?' your head turned quickly as you looked to the desk to see the man speaking to you. he smiled at you as he waited for you to speak.
'oh, no no im okay, im just waiting for my friends to bring the bags in. i think the rooms are under their last name so..' you trailed off.
'oh thats okay! what are the rooms under?' you raised your eyebrows at his kind gesture. you got up and stood at the desk.
'oh, its, uhm its under winchester.' you smiled and tapped your hands on the table and pursed your lips as he fiddled away on the computer.
'hmmm... yup! right here, two rooms, correct?' he looked up to you to gage your reaction.
'yes! thats us.' you smiled at him with sincerity and exhaled. 'you know.. we stayed at this other hotel the other night.. and this lady wouldnt give me the keys because.. she didnt trust me. like, i guess thats fair, because i sort of did look like i was homeless..' you chuckled to yourself a little, 'but, she was being really rude about it.. so i appreciate your trust in me.' you looked back to his gaze to see him smiling as you spoke.
'oh, yeah haha i wouldnt have ever thought that!' he joked lightheartedly with you as you waited for the boys to find a parking space and grab the luggage. you appreciated his demeanor, he didnt seem to talk down on you at all, and you had thought he was a little bit handsome too. it was nice to not think about dean for once.
as you guys spoke, dean and sam hustled through the sliding doors with bags hung over their arms.
'oh! there they are.' you gestured to them. 'i was just talking to..' you looked down at his name tag, 'elliot.. he gave me the keys for the room, so im ready whenever you guys are.'
deans eyebrows furrowed as he watched you introduce this random man to the two of them. this man was nothing, and he felt.. intimidated? by how comfortable you felt with him already in the few moments of their absence away from you. he smiled as he walked up to elliot and held his hand out.
'dean. dean winchester.' elliot shook his hand and smiled, 'nice to meet you, boss!' dean looked back at you with a confused look on his face. he didnt want to force you into a situation you werent comfortable in, but he felt like you were basically flaunting this man infront of him. he felt his judgement cloud his thoughts for a moment before he spoke.
'so, uh, tryna hit on my lady, pal?' dean spoke fiercly, and you jerked your head to look at him, your eyebrows furrowing, a scoff leaving your lips as he stood there intimidatingly.
the attendant closed his eyes for a moment before he shook his head confusingly, 'oh! no, ofcourse not.. just.. doing my job..' he trailed off as he looked at you for backup. you were about to speak, but before you could, dean cut you off.
'seems like it,' he smiled as he squinted at the worker, 'you know,' he looked down at you as you stood beside him, feeling smaller and smaller as he continued to speak, 'shes way too good for you,' he wrapped his arm around your shoulder as a way to intimidate the attendant, he just looked at you both awkwardly.
'dean..' you whispered, 'stop please' and you pushed his arm off of you, causing him to look around in an agitated manner before he began speaking again.
'shes uh..' he looked down at you, 'shes a catch aint she, you know..' he paused again before the attendant finally spoke up.
'i have a boyfriend!' he blurted, his face filled with an embarrassed and awkward expression. deans eyebrows raised as he looked at him, speechless. 'so, you can stop.. whatever youre doing and just, go up to your rooms for christs sake.' the attendant looked over at you and squinted a little, furrowing his eyebrows.
'im sorry..' you said quietly as dean patted his hand on your shoulder again and urged you to move away from the desk to go catch with sam as he stood awkwardly in the lobby connecting to the hallway, 'anyway.. thank you sir!' dean said as he walked away.
as you two walked the hallway, you ripped yourself from his grasp and began to walk slowly behind him, 'nice going, asshole.' you said coldly, not looking at him as you spoke. when you caught up with sam, he leaned down to whisper something to you so dean couldnt hear.
'do you want me to bunk with dean?' sam whispered to you as dean walked ahead, not looking behind to the either of you. 'i know what he just did was shitty.. i dont know why he did it, but he must have some weird reasoning for it. i can handle him tonight if you want a break.'
you looked forward to see dean walking with tension in his posture. you wanted to help him, but you were too angry to think anything kindly about him. you wanted to be angry, but a small part of you felt confusion. why would he say those things infront of elliot? did he like you? was he jealous? you didnt think a jealous bone was in deans body. you didnt think it was possible for him to even feel that emotion. you were just confused, but you felt slightly at ease that he felt that protective over you.
'no, its okay, thank you though.' you looked up at him and smiled as you leaned into his chest. 'i appreciate everything you do for me, sam, really. thank you.' your arm wrapped around his back and he squeezed your arm tightly.
'ofcourse.' he let you go, and then walked ahead towards his room. 'ill see you two in the morning,' he waved and then unlocked his door and then entered.
**
dean had already entered the two of you guys room, so you had to knock.
'hey, can you let me in?' you quietly yelled, but you heard no response. seconds later, you heard him fiddling with the door handle and the door swung open, though he was already walking away from the door as you entered.
'look.. dean..' he avoided eye contact. you could tell that he was ashamed with the way that he acted infront of the desk attendant. 'its okay.. im not mad..' you walked up to him as he faced towards the window, rain streaking down the glass. 'dean...' there was a sense of urgency in your voice. 'can you look at me? please?'
after hearing your plea, he turned around almost instantly. he didnt say anything, but he was now facing you.
'i..' you paused. you didnt know how to articulate how you felt. you didnt know if it would be a good idea. you spoke anyway. 'im just confused, okay? i.. i want to..' he looked down to see your eyes well with tears. he didnt want you to feel pain due to his actions. he felt guilty, and he felt confused, too.
he looked up and thought for a moment before he decided that he couldnt take this anymore. he tilted your head up with his fingertips and you stopped speaking almost immediately. you looked into his eyes and you saw the same look that made your knees want to melt into the ground. you were speechless, and before you could even try to speak again, every thought you had paused the second his lips touched yours.
though you were startled by his sudden movements, you didnt object this time. you kissed him back and moaned into his mouth, and he moaned into yours. your heart was racing, you didnt know how this even started, but you didnt want to question it.
you broke away from the kiss and he looked into your eyes with want and lust. you exhaled as you stared at his features for a moment before you leaned back in and wrapped your arms around his shoulders to fully bring him in. his arms moved to your waist as you manouvered his mouth in a way youve done with others, though its never felt this good.
you unintentially pressed his back against the window and his breath hitched from the sudden cold, but he didnt seem very bothered. he was much more focused on you. he kissed you hungrily, the want resurfacing from the previous night where he originally tried to kiss you the first time. you questioned why you even rejected him in the first place.
his hands fiddled with the hem of your shirt and you made a noise which signaled your approval for him, so he took his lips off of yours to help you lift your shirt over your head. you werent thinking, you didnt even think about how youve essentially never gotten this far before, you just knew that youve wanted this to happen for months, and now that it finally was, your brain was short circuiting.
he took in the view of your body and broke the silence, 'youre so beautiful,' he said quietly. you looked at him for a moment before you urged him to take off his shirt as well. he happily obliged.
his mouth found his way to yours once more as he tried to lead you to walk backwards a little. his hands slid their way up and down your waist as you guys moved. as he sat you down on his bed, he snaked his knee between your thighs and slowly layed you down onto the bed, not disturbing the kiss.
feeling the emotion fully now, you realized his intentions, and you broke away from the kiss quickly. he looked at you, want in his eyes.
'are you okay?' he spoke breathlessly.
'i..' you put your forehead to his, 'ive never..' your breath was heavy, and he felt you shaking as his hand rested on your waist.
he paused, realizing what you meant. he didnt want you to feel embarrassed for being unexperienced compared to his, well, sluttiness. his thumb rubbed circles on your hip as he spoke quietly, 'its okay..' he looked you in the eye and smiled at you, 'i just want to do whatever i can to distract you in this moment. i just want you to be okay' he smiled at you weakly as you leaned in to kiss him, not wanting to say anything more. you were confused by what he meant 'distract' again but your thoughts were too clouded to think clearly in the moment.
as you kissed him, he broke away from your lips and started to lower his attention to your neck. he kissed softly at first, lightly grazing your skin. he continued to feel your heart beat, though he figured you were okay since you hadnt stopped him yet. as you looked up at the ceiling, your grip around his shoulders became tighter as he felt around your thighs and slid his hands under your ass. his kisses became more needy, and you could feel his teeth leaving small marks all over your neck and collerbone. you liked the idea of being his.
as he kissed you, you closed your eyes and rested your head against his shoulder. he touched you everywhere. there wasnt an inch of skin that he wanted to go unnoticed. he wanted you to feel secure, and he wanted you to feel distracted. he felt like he was doing a fine job in doing so. while kissing and marking up your neck, one hand slid between your thighs as his other was wrapped around your neck.
you were afraid, and you accidently signaled that to him, so he moved his hand quickly and looked into your eyes.
'wait,' you said, panting. he looked at you, feeling his erection growing. he wanted to satisfy you, but he knew he needed to do it on your terms. 'i.. im' you paused, your thoughts were cloudy. you wanted to continue, but you didnt know how. 'im.. im sorry..' you said breathlessly.
he blinked quickly before realizing you were shutting it down. 'no.. no... its okay..' he watched as you grabbed your shirt quickly and put it back on in a swift motion. 'im sorry...' you looked to his jeans to see his growing excitement, and the pit in your stomach grew. 'dean.. im sorry..' tears began to well in your eyes.
'no, no.. its okay, im okay i promise' though he wished he couldve continued, he never would have wanted to force you into anything you didnt want to do. he kissed your forehead before standing up slowly, 'im..' he paused, 'im going to take a shower.' you looked up at him and nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself.
as he walked away and shut the door, you looked down to the floor and wanted to curse yourself. you hated yourself. you brought your hand up to your neck to feel the lasting marks that he had left, and you felt traces of his saliva. you wanted to cry. you wanted to continue, you wanted more. the feeling in your stomach was churning, mixed with the sense of dread. as you sat there with your thoughts, you heard the shower turn on.
you wanted to prove to him you werent a prune, that you could be one of the girls that hed consider.. dating. you wanted to be someone that he could rip their clothes off and take them in an instant, in any way he wanted to. you wanted him to want you in that way. as you stood up, you carefully took your top and bralette off leaving them on the bed. sliding your shorts and panties down your thighs, you felt a chill and shivered, feeling excited by the thought of getting in a warm shower. though you were nervous, you were determined to prove yourself to him.
you felt exposed, but you didnt care. as you walked up to the bathroom door, you listened carefully for a moment. you swore you heard him hold back a moan, but you didnt want to make assumptions.
in the shower, dean took himself in his hand and was pumping furiously. he felt like a loser, like a man who couldnt get any action, but he couldnt help it. though he truly didnt want to force you to do anything, he felt extremely unsatisfied, and he needed to release the tension building up in his body. he tried to remain quiet, but the thoughts of you rushing through his head were taking over.
he never knew that you were a virgin. he had his sneaking suspicion because you never spoke about any bad one night stands youve encountered, though maybe he was the only one who experienced those. he just figured that you saved that type of thing for a special someone, which drew him to another conclusion.
was he not special enough for you? his hand moved faster in frustration and a groan slipped from his lips. he was hoping that you didnt hear due to the water. hed never considered himself one to care, but hes never been with a virgin before. every woman hes ever been with had, atleast, has had some sort of experience. he found himself wishing that he could be your first. he groaned at the thought of it as he stroked himself almost to the point of release.
your quivering body underneath his, begging for him to give you the release you desperately deserve. his mouth watered at the image.
as he jerked off, he heard the bathroom door open slightly,
'dean?' you cautiously spoke out.
'uh- uhm, what? whats up?' he moved his hand away from his dick quickly and he faced the shower wall. he gritted his teeth from the absence of friction against his erection. he wanted to curse you, but he knew you meant well.
'can i come in?' though he couldnt see you, he heard a hint of something in your voice. he wasnt sure what it was. were you scared because of the weather again? did you just want to be in his comfort once more, did you want him to save you again?
'uhm, sure,' he said hastily. his eyebrows furrowed as the possibilites were circling in his mind. as he thought, you slowly opened the shower curtain, and he turned around to see you standing nude infront of him. 'i-' he was, for once, speechless.
'dean..' you said, as you stepped into the shower, trying to avoid looking at his cock as it lay up against his stomach. 'i just..' you looked up into his eyes, watching the water fall down onto his shoulders. 'i wanted to apologize.. im sorry.' you said, your eyes filled with sorrow.
he looked at you suddenly feeling remorse for every sick thought he had about you in the moment before. 'hey, its okay..' though as he spoke, you slowly lowered yourself to the shower floor and got on your knees, making you face to face with his thighs. you brought your arms up to his thighs and rested them there for a moment as his breath hitched.
'what...' he gulped, 'what are you doing?' you didnt look in his eyes. you didnt know where to look, you just brought your hands to his dick and you lightly grazed him with your fingertips. as you did so, you felt his thighs tense and a loud exhale escaped from his lips. 'im sorry..' you said as your hands rested on his cock. 'is this okay?'
as you looked up at him, he swore he felt unlike anything hes ever felt before. 'yes.. yes its okay..' he looked down at you carefully, one hand on the edge of the shower, and one hand found its way to the top of your head as he wiped your hair away from your eyes. 'are you..' he gulped, 'are you sure about this?' he said as he looked down at you.
you nodded, and before a moments notice, you took him in your hands and put your mouth over his tip. his grip on the edge of the shower made his knuckles turn white, and the hand on your head wanted to squeeze, but he kept a soft touch as to not force you to do anything. as you lowered your mouth onto him, you heard him make obscene noises above you, which caused the knot in your stomach to worsen.
feeling your mouth on him felt euphoric. the shower water was hitting his back perfectly and feeling both of your hands and your mouth around him just reminded him how small you were.. or how big he really was. he couldnt tell, nor did he care. he just knew that he wasnt going to last long. your unexperienced movements were a little awkward, but he felt at ease knowing that he was the first person youve ever done this to. he looked down at you and he smoothed your hair down as you moved.
he barely tried to hold back his moans anymore, and he felt them your movements becoming more desperate. the noises he was making made you feel embarrassed, but you felt proud. as you moved your hands up and down, you felt his warmth, and you wanted to remember his veins. you liked feeling him inside of your mouth, and so you tried to take him deeper down your throat.
as you began to throat fuck him, your movements became quicker and more at ease. now that you were going at a comfortable pace and depth, he felt that it would be okay if he guided your movements a little with his hand pressed behind your head. you heard him breathing heavily, a groan and a whimper escaping from his lips every so often. hearing his noises, you moaned against his dick, which sent a multitude of vibrations through his body, one of them which sent him over the edge.
you felt him pulsing, and he spoke quickly, 'shit, fuck, i..' you lifted your mouth off of his dick and he groaned loudly at the absence of your touch, though he quickly took himself in his hand once more and he pumped his dick above your head. you were mesmerized by the sight, and you suddenly became jealous of every other girl that got to see him in this way before you.
as he jerked himself off with desperation, his mouth became slightly ajar and his eyes rolled back as he groaned loudly 'i- im, fuck, i,' pumping himself quickly, white ropes expelled from his tip and emptied out onto your chest and face. he blabbered for a few seconds as he continued to stroke himself through his high, and he let out one final groan of satisfaction. you looked down to your chest to see his now watered down cum being washed away into the drain, and you ran your hand through the valley of your breasts, feeling the wetness on your chest. you wished you couldve kept this image in your mind forever.
you felt like it was a fever dream, you didnt know what to do next, so you stood up and looked down to see his dick softening quickly. 'i.. um, anyway, i just wanted to apologize.' then you swiftly stepped out of the shower and left the bathroom with a towel before he could even respond. he wouldnt have anyway, he was too out of breath.
authors note: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC !!! please give feedback + let me know if you liked it!! i appreciate anyone who reads <3 i dont know how often ill be posting as im a realllyyy slow writer, however im open to requests/anything really!
thank you @thesilmarillionblog for inspiring me to post <3
#dean winchester smut#dean winchester x female!reader#dean winchester x you#supernatural#dean winchester#smut
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pondering my orb
#personal#it appears i have fallen victim to the situationship industrial complex#this little arrangement i found myself in has escalated from ‘friends who hook up’ to ‘boyfriend without the boy’#and it is becoming lets say emotionally distressing#because i am leaving town for the summer in just three short weeks! and for the past two months we have spent every free moment together#and putting our own individual codependent tendencies aside i really do like him#i havent been alone long enough to shift my brain out of girlfriend mode#because the thing is i loved being a girlfriend#apparently it was a significant part of my identity#which i didnt really realize until i wasnt one anymore#and i miss it!#i dont even miss the boyfriend i was the girlfriend of particularly#i just miss being a girlfriend i think#and now i have found a man who i would very much like to be the girlfriend of#hes respectful and emotionally intelligent and he fucks me so good and we have a lot of fun together i think#but the thing is is that i cant be a girlfriend again#because since it was such a significant part of my identity now that i am no longer a girlfriend i have lost that piece#and i guess i dont know what is supposed to go in its place#who am i if not girlfriend? what do i do when i am not girlfriending? who do i talk to when its not my boyfriend?#my life purpose is certainly not ‘girlfriend’#i mean its not supposed to be. i was pretty happy with it but everyone in my life is telling me thats not what im supposed to do#so what am i supposed to do???? i dont like being alone i dont want to be#i want to be girlfriend!!!!!!!#i was happy and i felt fulfilled#sure it was for the wrong person but the right one will come along#im not very good at the whole casual dating thing though. i mean clearly#because this man is probably not boyfriend material either#as much as i like him it is questionable whether he deserves my girlfriending#so how does one find ‘the’ boyfriend?#is it a futile exercise in the first place
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the party if they were fucking cool 🔥 i wasnt joking about the modern stranger things au where everythings the same except the party really likes skating thing
#this is my six weed smoking girlfriends.#and yes.#they smoke weed#sorry for projecting all of my interests onto mike wheeler#it will happen again#cinephile mike wheeler is real to ME.#forgot maxs freckles in the second one#its fiinnneee#els ladybug helmet is very important to me btw#i tried to make maxs skateboard look like her canon one#and will’s skateboard is supposed to be painted#its like vaguely jellyfish and stars but you cant see it that well#will also painted the top of mikes skateboard btw. if u even care#max teaching lucas to skateboard can be something so personal <33#stranger things#the party#mike wheeler#will byers#max mayfield#lucas sinclair#el hopper#dustin henderson#byler#lumax#stranger things fanart#fanart#skater au#stranger things skater au#harperdoodles#stoner byler
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Jrwi be like or something idk I'm so tired at this point
#every fucking tjme#i thought it was just a grizzly thing but things cant ever be that simple can they#PLEASE get creative PLEASEEEE#i dont want to see the same concept over and over again slightly changed to make things a bit unique#weve had a TON of them in riptide#and now we have wonderlust#which is definitely the best execution we've had of it yet btw#also its so fucking funny to me that that chalrie isnt in the campaign#probably too busy sluting it up with his rpf girlfriend somewhere#no time to play dnd when you've got rpf to fuck to and “i played the SCARIEST horror game and THIS happened?!!?” videos to make#i just kinda have to laugh at this point
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robin buckley is the kind of gf to take every opportunity to talk about her partner its true
someone mentions the newspaper? oh! nancy works for the newspaper! did robin mention nancy is robin’s girlfriend?
the color pink? nancy loves the color pink! also nancy is robin’s girlfriend.
books? nancy loves reading books! robin loves reading books with nancy, who is robin’s girlfriend.
she just loves saying “nancy is my girlfriend!”
#ronance#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#robin#nancy#robin x nancy#ronance canon#stranger things#im taking this as an opportunity to talk about my girlfriend in these tags#i would do absolutely anything for her#if she told me to walk across the country to get something i would#even if it’s the smallest thing#I WILL DO IT#i would hand pick the most beautiful flowers for her just because i know that’s what she deserves#i couldnt ever imagine hurting this girl#i cant believe that somebody as beautiful as her would choose somebody like me#and if i were immortal and she was not i would wait for her for thousands of years to be able to see her once again#i could write hundreds of sonnets and it wouldnt amount to how much i feel for her#can you guys tell i like talking about my girlfriend
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Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE
#LANA i know his sister works for you BUT TRUST MY WORD AND GIVE ME A FREE TICKET PLEASE…#MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU WAS RUINED GIRL… she was so good too like i was saving her songs to spotify that night#im reliving all this because i found out a lot of his exes and ex friends hang out together and two of them invited me so it was me an ex an#d an ex friend just swapping stories and first of all. he said he got cheated on by this girl and she NEVER DID IT (HE would have emotional/#angry outbursts at HER though) (allegedly he’s acknowledged to her that the cheating never happened too) and 2. this is obviously making me#mentally rehash everything again. i feel so bad for his current girlfriend and also for the person i ‘’stole’’ him from though i really hesi#tate to blame myself after hearing about his patterns. first of all he wouldve done this with anyone who was vulnerable around him and secon#d i was the only reason he was at all honest with them. he was fully planning to gaslight this ex and me and his dad had to convince him not#to. they look like theyre happy now and im very happy for them over that. oh my god that man was evil he told me for WEEKS about every time#his then partner had talked shit about me while i made clear that i didnt care and wasnt very interested but he kept going. god i cant belie#ve this was my life a year ago.#the one thing i can say is that i out freaked him because throughout our short relationship i made him so insecure that a week after i told#to never speak to me again he called me asking if he really was ugly.#I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAD TO TEND TO A GROWN MAN WHILE LANA DEL REY WAS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPPOSED TO BEING AROUND HER. LANAAAA#times like these i get so mad i dont know what to do but ultimately remembering that he has not achieved any of his goals because he refuses#to face himself really helps me. god man IVE achieved some of his goals and i wasnt even trying to#a really awful part of all of this was all of the friends who knew him taking his side. because they didnt know him well enough to know what#he was actually like.#i was talking to my ex friend of four years and she was like not to blame you but he was probably really vulnerable from his time with [ex p#rior to me]’’ because he’s been going around alleging that that ex was abusive. and she was implying i took advantage of him. so i had to go#into detail about what an awful awful person he was and the sort of state i was in when this relationship took place. hannah lee you are#not seeing your little jehovah’s witness heaven.#anyways redirecting this energy im very happy with the way my life is and the way i am now. and im grateful for it i would not have ever bee#n able to imagine having the sort of peace and motivation i feel now. life feels like it can and will change for the better and it keeps pro#ving that right all the time#it just hurts sometimes having that as my first experience and not even being able to vocalize what was wrong bc i just didnt know hurts#oh i forgot one of his besties can see my account bc we’re sort of mutuals. i doubt he’s looking he did the whole unfollowing the ex bc she’#s allegedly amoral thing after the breakup but if he is hi isaac#he did on rare occasion show me selfless kindness but ultimately your best friend is a creep. i don’t want to be involved with anyone from#our school but I hope you know this and I hope you’re proud
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#cant sleep bc im thinking so many thoughts#hiding in the tags#i think im finally over her?#like today and the last time we hung out i didnt Feel it anymore#and its not like i dont love her anymore i really really do but now its in a best friend way only i think?#the Feeling wasnt there which i guess its a good thing#and like yeah maybe its the depression maybe im just not feeling anything rn but also like#thats why she broke up with me and even when her depression got better she never got back to Feeling it?#and last time My depression was bad i wouldnt feel anything at all except when we hung out#so it feels different now#not necessarily a bad different just Different#but im so fucking scared of losing her#like im so scared of when she starts dating again#and yes ive been thinking of dating again im desperate for a girlfriend#but shes the one who broke up with me and shes had to deal with this before with Him and she didnt feel bad#but when we started dating He felt bad so like. i get him#and im so scared of never getting into a relationship again bc she’ll Always have a part of my heart like even if i dont Feel it anymore#she’ll always be number one for me#and im scared ill never let myself love anyone else bc i wouldnt think its fair to them bc of her#and idk.#i really dont wanna lose her she means so much to me#and im so comfortable around her in a way that im not with anyone else#idk where im going with this#sometimes i really fucking hate being aroace#and not being able to tell the difference between different feelings#:(#whatever
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I've been following that AITA blog for a bit now and it has me thinking about my own life situations with conflict and drama. A passive "do I have anything I could submit to that blog?" But upon thinking about it, it's like... I really find no value in asking strangers whether I'm "the asshole" in situations. There are situations where I'm clearly not at fault, situations where I was a little shit but it was justified, and at least one situation where I have a definite "Oh yeah, I was definitely the asshole there". All in the past, so it's not like I'd even need advice or anything. I already know, so what's the point?
Maybe it stems from me being a generally self-aware and self-confident kind of person. I know what's going on with myself, know when I've wronged people, & I have a mentality of "well, I'll try to not do that in the future." Even if I feel a little guilty thinking back, what's the point of asking after something when I know I'm at fault? Or situations where things were complicated and both people had fault in things, but I know I wasn't being shitty on purpose & that's what matters to me. Ultimately, it results in a bunch of strangers drawing conclusions about things I really don't care about outside input on.
Still love reading the blog tho. There's something about reading up on random people's life drama that satisfies that gossipmonger soul in me So well.
#speculation nation#i think the most blatantly YTA thing id get is when i ghosted that guy i was seeing back when i was 20 or so#wasnt ever actually dating but i made it sound like i would. very much led him on.#then realized i just wasnt into cishet guys At All and dropped him out of nowhere bc i was 20 and didnt know how to deal with feelings#objectively it was a pretty awful thing for me to do. and i feel bad that i did it.#have i ever tried to reach out and apologize tho? no lmao#it happened so long ago now i feel like itd bring more animosity than relief anyways.#id like to think ive learned from it tho. Dont Date People Just For The Hell Of It.#god it rly is my romantic history where im the biggest asshole. my prior girlfriend too#i do feel bad about that. i never meant to hurt her but that sure is what i did.#it was better to break it off when i did. wouldve been better had i did it earlier but oh well.#then as a teenager and my whole fucked up romance life then...#but NO LONGER!!!!!!!! hopefully lol. im rly into my current girlfriend and after my last one ive been dedicated to. not do that again.#cant date people just because im bored. that's never ended well for me.#i learned my lesson this time for SURE!!!!!#anyways yea id say more constently id be The Asshole in these situations. but im only human man it happens.#other situations it's usually just fucked up situations with me being a toxic little shit in response bc it's all i knew.#idk. community voting doesnt matter to me. learning from my prior mistakes and shortcomings is what matters to me.#it's interesting to see the blog tho. people are insecure about some of the most trivial things sometimes...
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lifeblogging begins....girl asked me out today AND i don't knowhow to tell her no 😭
#NO OKAY LISTEN RIGHT shes been texting me for a whileeee and she used to like me YEARS ago Literally full on told me and we didnt talk for#ages Then she starts messagjngme again And keeps making like weird things thag we have in common?😭#one time my friends were making fun of me for having rice for breakfast And i wrote rice onnmy friends hand And then she sat next to this#girl in her class and told her about me having rice THE NEXT DAY SHEEEE BRINNGGS UPPP RICE AND SAYS SHE HAS IT FOR BREAKFAST SOMETIMES#ITWAS JUST REALLY LIKE.😭😭😭#BUT I NEED TO TELL HER NO BECAUSE I GOT A GIRLFRIEND BUT LIKEE I CSNT SAY NO she hasnt said its explicitly romantic You know? just said#do you want to go out And well i cant work with that AT ALL. B3CAUSE IT WPUKD BE SO RUDE TO GO ummm No sorry. and it's would be so#self entered to be like Umm i have a girlfriend🤓 YOU KNOW?!#god this blog is great i love lifeblogging
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nothing has made me want to quit my job more than happiness outside of it
#staying in bed with my gf in the morning is way more important to me than my job#and the other thing that makes me want to quit is the Girlfriend Grief of knowing i cant see her for a while again :/
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I understand why other aro and/or ace people are uninterested in romance or sex in fiction but being aromantic myself I think its part of why Im so into romance. I just think its sweet!!! I dont really get it but its sweet!!!
#I dunno I feel very strong platonic emotions to people that I think are similar to like romantic ones but I can never get to the like#wanting a relationship with someone where Im calling the other person my boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/husband/wife/spouse thing you know#my point is I get where people are coming from being sick of love stories being in everything but I love it.#Cant get enough of it I love reading a superhero comic and then the main character has a love interest and their#relationship is well written and interesting. I am a sucker.#Yeah Ive just been thinking about O'Neil Question and Vic and Myra again.
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 274
Adjective: Deceptive
Noun: Spiral
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Deceptive: giving an appearance or impression different from the true one, or misleading
Spiral: a spiral curve, shape, or pattern; a spiral spring; (astronomy) short for spiral galaxy; a progressive rise or fall of prices, wages, etc., each responding to an upward or downward stimulus provided by a previous one; a process of deterioration through the continuous increase or decrease of a specified feature; (American football) a pass or kick that moves smoothly through the air while spinning on its long axis
#just a smidge late this time#lowkey cos my girlfriend and i were busy#speaking of which we continued birthday celebrations for her and went out and did some small things#we honestly had another fun and relaxing day#also cant believe its october#halloween is right around the corner (my girlfriend and i are trying to work out costumes rn)#and we are both attempting inktober again#ive never finished an inktober (including the year in which i tried to write poems instead of making drawings)#so im crossing my fingers for this one#anyway this prompt screams the 'spiral' from the magnus archives#so im obviously going to do something with that in the poem i end up writing#i cant get over how 'deceptive' and 'spiral' are so perfect for a piece about the spiral#also i fell asleep while writing these tags and now im more than a smidge late#so oops#the magnus archives#tma#the spiral#the spiral tma#thanks for reading#writing#writer#creative writing#writing prompt#writeblr#trying to be a writeblr at least
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I get so incredibly triggered everytime I break something
#i broke my girlfriends headset :(( AGAIN#this is like the 3rd timd#i swear i cant be trusted with anything#i wish i was better#i wish trying my best was enough#i wish i had at least made money to replace the things i break but i cant even do that#why does my girlfriend love me? most people wouldnt even tolerate me#im useless and i mess everything up
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in thinking a lot about someone im thinking a lot about someone oh god no dont do this again youre gonna ruin it im thinking a lot about someone
#worms in my brain? no. im taking preventative measures#cause i go to class with this guy i met in the summer and i though he was soo cool when we met and he is in fact really fucking cool#now i see him every week cause class when i initially thought id never see him again. and im thinking about him way too much?#idk. i think im just excited to be friends because he really is so interesting and strange like so fucking weird and i love weird ppl#but im scared stupud brain and heart will do stupid things and start. you know. and i cant feel like that he has a girlfriend and also#would never happen. ppl never like me#but whatever its not a problem im just pre-worrying bc we have a great relationship like i feel rly comfortable with him and we laugh a lot#we are quite alike i think. and i worry that might mean sth else bc my brain tends to go for people i cant be with [well the 1 and a half#times ive liked ppl before. yeah] so you know#anyway im excited to have someone like him in my life#spikeposting
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gideon knew nona was alecto from the start right??? was part of her shock after the kiss seeing her own eyes in harrow’s face???? gideon was standing right there when mercy said “Your child... Alecto’s eyes” so she knows all that like she HAD to have figured out nona immediately. ALSO did harrow not realize alecto had gideon’s eyes in the epilogue??? or during the sixth months where she was in hell or wherever did she piece together what she was already starting to subconsciously realize (according to tazmuir - i forget which interview though) re: the AUs hinting at gideon’s parentage because do you really think a harrow who was unaware that gideon is the daughter of god would not absolutely freeze up and/or faint at THE BODY IN THE TOMB having GIDEON’S eyes????
#i know gideon says who is 'this literal goddamn infant' but i think she knew and she was just seeing if any of them realized maybe idk#she would hate whoever was in harrow's body but she would especially hate them if they were harrow's bullshit dead girlfriend#who she saw coming towards her in the river so i think she had an idea of who took over harrow's body#also in htn harrow says the body's eyes were black like her own in her youth and only became yellow post-lyctorhood#so she would not have known alecto and gideon actually shared eyes#im sure after she remembered eating gideon she would have thought that's why the body's eyes changed#and like once again. a lot was going on. but you think that would have been the FIRST thing my girl noticed like she had a full conversation#what happened to harrow!!!! where was she all that time!!!!! i cant wait to know#htn spoilers#harrow the ninth spoilers#ntn spoilers#nona spoilers#nona the ninth spoilers#nona the ninth#ntn#tlt#the locked tomb#analysis#tlt spoilers#the locked tomb spoilers
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Hi
#my art#my art lol#my ocs#Wilbur osmonds#my characters#Moonlit Alleyways#creepypasta oc#help me#i have school tomorrow and im gonnna scream at the next person who calls me their “Girlfriend” in a sarcastic way or just is being an actua#prick#I CANT EVEN USE MY FUCKING PHONE TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM THE BAD PERSONAL STUFF I DONT TALK ABOUT ONLINE-#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#I HATE THESE PEOPLE!! ISTG!! I JUST WANNA WATCH BSDS OR LISTEN TO MUSIC OR SOMETHING AGAIN#BUT OH NO I HAVE TO PUT MY PHONE IN THIS UGLY ASS POUTCH THING AND I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL WE CAN LEAVE TO USE IT!!! THE SOUL PURPOSE I USE IT#IS SO THEN I CAN IGNORE HOW SHITTY MY DAY IS! ISTG I HATE IT THERE AND I KNOW THAT ITS GONNA GET FUCKING WORSE!!! AAA#THE ONLY THING I HAVE ACCESS TO THATS LIKE MY PHONE IS A FUCKING COMPUTER!! AND WE ONLY ARE ALLOWED TO USE THEM FOR WORK OR HOMEWORK!!!!#I CANT EVEN GO INTO THE LIBRARY TO IGNORE THE BAD THINGS!!!#I WANNA USE MY FUCKING PHONE!!!!!!!!!#i sound like an idiot but istg im so tired.#i will punch or snap at a classmate one of these days#i already got into a fight with a bitch who showed me how replaceable i am at the age of like 8 or 9 and i have to see her everyday and#shes still a rude bitch. im not even joking she doesnt know basic ass manners and just is an asshole she uses slurs and other bad fucking#Shit and i wish shed just leave already!!!!#also i drew this with a phone lol-
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